A Poem of Hope for Parents receiving a Diagnosis for their Child
It was dark, it was deep, it was grief, it was hell,
It was lonelier than drowning in the deepest dark Well,
Looking up from that place, the sky seemed so far,
Like the tiniest faintest universe star.
I couldn’t understand what I was hearing,
My beautiful child, my love so endearing,
How could this be?
What did I do wrong?
How came this nightmare from a lullaby song?
What did this mean?
I didn’t understand!
Which doctors will sort this?
Who’ll take my hand?
Who’ll show me the way to sort this all out?
Who will explain what this Autism’s about?
Nobody could beyond it’s name,
Nobody led me, nobody came…
So down at the bottom of this deep dark pit,
I rummaged around for the pieces to fit,
But none of them looked familiar to me,
None of them shared any colours you see…
They were all different shapes, from a different world,
To the one I had planned for my little girl,
What did this mean, my dreams had been shattered,
Nothing else registered, nothing else mattered…
At first I wanted to take us away,
Away from this world to one far far away,
But I couldn’t do this, leaving others behind,
They kept us here and were a constant remind,
That there must be some answers, some knowledge somewhere,
Something to grasp in this cold dark dense air…
So slowly I clutched at the straws that I found,
And slowly but surely pulled myself off the ground.
I saw glimmers and sparkles,
resembling fairy dust light,
I heard words that registered in the coldest dark night,
I felt small quivers of hope deep down in my gut,
And I bounced in and out of this hopelessness rut…
Then one evening at bedtime, in the kitchen she came,
Signing for milk, like it was all just a game!
My excitement and shock I showed her with praise,
Her efforts and confidence not wanting to phase,
Rushing to warm milk in the microwave,
Rushing to reward her for the communication she gave,
Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!
This was her way of saying her first word!
This all happened at the age of two,
Twenty years later, I can’t believe I’m telling you…
There’s lots to fill in for the in between,
But for now believe me, she’s on the university scene!
It’s been a hard long haul out of that deep dark Well,
But it’s been worth every moment to get out of that hell,
To see her progress, succeed and shine,
She’s reaching her potential, this princess of mine…
Now if you’ve found yourself where I once was,
I want to give you hope and a little buzz,
I want you to know you can do it, it’s true,
Your child can progress and make steps forward too.
There’s no quick solution but there’s so much you can do,
To enable your child and empower you.
Everyone is different and can reach their potential,
And remembering this, is so very essential…
Take time for yourself and look after you,
Because you need your health to see this through,
And when you look back one day it will seem,
Less of a nightmare and much more of a dream…
– Caroline Seyedi